If Symptoms Persist, Call A Senator

Dear Senator Doctor Frist:

As a tax-paying citizen at the third notch of the Bible Belt, I have a problem that can only be solved by a Senate Majority Leader with an M.D. I have very expensive, high-deductible health insurance, purchased in the consumer-driven marketplace of the ownership society, and I feel fortunate to have the minimal coverage it provides. I hesitate to make any claims under this insurance policy for fear that it will be nonrenewed. With your help, I hope to remain a profitable non-claim-filing customer of the health insurance industry.

My left elbow has been a source of physical pain for several weeks now. If I send you a picture of my elbow, will you render a diagnosis of the malady? I don’t expect you to call any special sessions of Congress, prescribe a treatment regimen, or provide any self-surgical instructions; just tell me if I should continue to take nourishment and hydrate myself. I’m guessing I fall somewhere between comatose and a vegetative state, but then again I do watch a lot of TV. I still respond to external stimulus, and I’ve been told my eyes brighten when a family member enters the room, but my elbow really, really hurts.

I understand you are on holiday recess now, and I have enough frozen pizza to get me through Easter. Please get back to me before I invest in another trip to the grocery store, though. I do not, under any circumstances, wish to sustain myself via any artificial means.

In spite of the fact that, for many of us, there is no longer a doctor in the house, I take great comfort in knowing that there is one in the Senate.



Dear Friend:

Thank you for your e-mail, and I look forward to reviewing and responding to it as soon as I can. Unfortunately, due to the high volume of mail I receive daily and the press of Senate business, your response may be regrettably delayed. In the meanwhile, you may find my website at http://frist.senate.gov to be helpful, as I endeavor to post my positions on most major policy issues there regularly along with other information of interest.

Again, thank you for contacting me and know that I always appreciate hearing from you!

Sincerely,
William H. Frist, M.D.
Majority Leader
United States Senate


Doctor Bill probably appreciates hearing from some more than others, given the press of Senate business.