U.S. Aldermen?

Dear Representative Hastert,

I never would have considered drafting this correspondence to you previously, but recent events have shattered my paradigmatic thinking for the better and I now feel confident that I can appeal to your Congressional sense of fair play.

My neighbors and I have been trying for years to get a stop sign on the corner of our residential city block, but our efforts have fallen on deaf ears. We contacted our Public Works Department, but their representative said the traffic count does not warrant the installation of any traffic control device. We appealed to our Alderman, but he insists on deferring to the decision of the Public Works Department. I don't think these people comprehend the magnitude of the endangerment to human life that is occurring on a daily basis in my neighborhood. Not only are the residents of my city block at risk, but these hurried drivers are exposing themselves to mutilation or even death by ignoring the speed limit.

The U.S. Congress is clearly the "go-to guy" with the moral wherewithal to save these people from themselves. I believe an "Easter Sunday Compromise," resulting in a yield sign at the corner, would help preserve human life while redirecting focus to the need for a full-fledged stop sign. When news of your leap to action becomes public, I'm certain the citizenry of the 14th District of the State of Illinois, as well as the American public at large, will respond warmly to your efforts to "do the right thing."

If this works out well for all of us, I have an idea for a "Memorial Day Compromise." You see, these pesky squirrels have been running amok with my bird feeders..........


Rep. Hastert's response:

Thank You for Writing

Your opinions are important to me. Due to Congressional franking rules I cannot send a personal response to people outside the 14th District of Illinois. Your opinion is still important to me though and will be registered.


That's OK, Denny. I just didn't want to be caught walking around with an unregistered opinion.