Gotta die of somethin'...
What are you shootin' for?

The Right Stuff For The Wrong Reason, i.e. Accidental Political Correctness

I spent a total of $85.49 on gasoline in 2007. I ride my bicycles and walk nearly everywhere I go, with one large grocery haul per month in my 1986 Mazda 323. My 1988 Dodge pickup has racked up 20 miles total in the past twelve months. My dear Harley only got a few miles also, and I feel bad about neglecting the magnificent beast.

I have been accused of left-leaning, socially-minded, and ecologically-conscious progressive thinking. Nothing could be further from the truth. Those crass accusations carry the implication that I care about people.

I don’t.

Let the globe warm and the ice caps melt. I don’t care if your skin melts down around your ankles into a simmering mound of Crisco. I would enjoy the sight of it, even as my own eyeballs were liquefying.

No, my motivations are purely selfish. I just don’t want to contribute to the seven-figure bonuses of the pasty-faced assholes at Exxon and British Petroleum. I don’t like being sucker-punched, so when I have the opportunity to bob and weave I do just that.

I’m still being raped a thousand ways from Tuesday. I have to heat my home to a survivable temperature. I have to absorb rising transportation and distribution costs via my higher grocery prices. Of course, I don’t absorb as much of the grocery costs as does the typical fatassfoodstuffed American.

I don’t pretend to be altruistic as I pedal my old bikes to the Y and the mailbox. It’s hard to be altruistic while dodging the errant, luxury SUVs commandeered by inattentive housewives yammering on cell phones. Housewives who are never in the house because they are continuously navigating an 8 mile-per-gallon loop from boutique to bistro to big-box-store. It’s hard to be altruistic when Al Gore is awarded a Nobel Prize for recognizing an old problem and offering a movie as a solution. Remember when Nobel Laureates discovered and cured problems, instead of garnering Oscars and a cut of the box office? If Big Al’s body fat were set to a rolling boil, it could heat the Tennessee Valley until the End of Times. Now that’s Nobel Prize-worthy.

I don’t think I’m better than you are just because I don’t burn massive quantities of fossil fuel. I don’t need another reason because the list is already so long.

So don’t confuse my conservation efforts with a concern for your Mother Ship. I’m not a righteous man.

Hell, I’m not even likeable.